Secretary of Religion

Given the interest Americans have in religion these days, as well as the desire to encourage others to join their religion, to imbue our courts, classrooms, laws, standards of decency, and social values with all things religion, it seems that the time is ripe for Bush to add the "Department of Religion," and expand his cabinet to include a Secretary of Religion. In this fashion we might centralize the administration of all governmental matters relating to America's religion.

The DOR can be the arm of government that vets Judicial nominees; approves all education courses on how humans came to be; determines who qualifies to do invocations at ball games; oversees the prayer monitors (those making sure Americans are saying grace at dinner, praying before sleep, going to church on Sunday, etc.); enforces laws against adultery, gambling, and cursing; regulates how clothing is worn so as not to be revealing; prohibits the use of condoms; prevents gays from living in the same quarters; rehabilitates agnostics and atheists; offers conversion classes for those whose faith do not meet the American Religious Standard; and more.

Of course, the S.O.R. must be a Christian, white male, married with two children, non-smoker, non-drinker, churchgoer, and follows the rhythm method of birth control.